Within a few days of opening my Facebook account, I was able to reconnect with friends from all times of my life. From my next door neighbors, reliving my terrible pitching incident with an angry hive of bees in my hair and a broken window, to one of my best friends from high school who kindly honors me with praise I don’t deserve, to my former colleagues, catching up and wishing each other well, my smile has been continuously beaming … but, my smile has also been laced with bittersweet memories. I’ve really enjoyed going back through the time machine and bringing past memories to life through simple chats and long conversations. At the same time, all of this reminiscing is bittersweet because those wonderful memories also bring back the joy of my mom when she was blessing my daily life with her love, words of wisdom, delicious food, and everything else that I lost after she passed from this earth on August 9, 1999. This year my family is recognizing fourteen years without my beloved mom.
I do believe my mom is in a better place. She is witnessing the lives of her loved ones, free of the physical pain and mental anguish she endured during the last ten years of her life. My mom is enjoying peace and much more that I can only imagine, that my feeble mind cannot yet comprehend. But, I also believe her time was cut short with her loving family that she left behind. That is the part that time will never heal. That is selfish for me to declare, but I am a weak person and I miss my mom terribly.
I would NOT want her to continue suffering and living in misery, hiding her pain from her loved ones, as she had done. I’m just a son who misses his mom. I can only relay stories to her grandchildren of the living angel that she was when she raised me and my sister. Her grandchildren will never meet her in person. I also speak of my mom as the angel who is hopefully watching over us now. I rarely get a glimpse of my mom through my dreams, but when I do, I wake up with tears in my eyes as I struggle to remember every detail of my encounter with my beloved mom. Two of my children have also brought me to tears when they had gleefully told me about their friend “Josie”. I had never referred to my mom by her first name and yet, when Ever and Cara were toddlers, and with Ever and Cara being three years apart in age, they each spoke of their friend “Josie”. Any parent knows that they cannot coerce a toddler to do anything purposeful (LOL) and the testimony of two of my children, on several occasions, truly served as a beacon of love for me knowing that my mom is always near. In her own way, she has interacted with her grandchildren. Knowing about these circumstances is endearing and comforting for me.
Some believe that after passing from this world, all identity is lost, but I believe otherwise. Please do not misunderstand me. I’m not clinging onto my mom as she was when she was alive on this earth. I speak to my mom every day, within my heart and soul. I never ask her to return to us as she was. I do ask her, God willing, if she will ask for help on our behalf, knowing that she is an angel of our Lord God in Heaven, if it is not too presumptuous, and only if she is willing to do so. She had already done so much for her loved ones while she was alive, the last thing I want to do is burden her with mundane tasks, especially now that she is free.
For the spiritual connection I feel I have with my mom, I’m posting my cover of “You’re Still You” made famous by Josh Groban. It may be a one-way connection or I may be right and my mom is always near, whichever the case, all that matters is what is in my heart. Time may eventually tell when I pass on, as well. Until that time, when I hope to gain the truth, I will continue believing. The truth be known, I won’t have the chance to tell, it will always remain a secret kept from this world by the next.
My relatives are mourning the loss of their beloved, Carlos Reyes, father of Grace Reyes Lataquin, who passed into our Lord God’s Kingdom in Heaven on August 18, 2013. Our love and deepest condolences are added to everyone who befriended him, loved him, and cherished him. Carlos Reyes is now resting in peace after battling lung cancer and emphysema. He has many loved ones and friends who will miss him dearly. And now, Carlos Reyes is a spirit who will always be a friend, always be loved, and always be cherished, eternally …
“You’re Still You” is a song released as a single in 2003 and made popular by Josh Groban from his self-titled album. It was written by Linda Thompson and Ennio Morricone. It reached number 10 on the U.S. Adult Contemporary chart.
The truth be known, I won’t have the chance to tell, it will